The last couple days I’ve been repeating to myself “Be a lake. Be a lake. Be a lake.” To no avail. I have not evolved into becoming a lake yet; I am still just Batshit Crazy. As you nod in agreement, let me explain. I recently stumbled upon this:
An aging master grew tired of his apprentice’s complaints. One morning, he sent him to get some salt. When the apprentice returned, the master told him to mix a handful of salt in a glass of water and then drink it.
“How does it taste?” the master asked.
“Bitter,” said the apprentice.
The master chuckled and then asked the young man to take the same handful of salt and put it in the lake. The two walked in silence to the nearby lake and once the apprentice swirled his handful of salt in the water, the old man said, “Now drink from the lake.”
As the water dripped down the young man’s chin, the master asked, “How does it taste?”
“Fresh,” remarked the apprentice.
“Do you taste the salt?” asked the master.
“No,” said the young man. At this the master sat beside this serious young man, and explained softly,
“The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains exactly the same. However, the amount of bitterness we taste depends on the container we put the pain in. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things. Stop being a glass. Become a lake.”
So as you know, I’ve been working really hard at leading a more mindful existence; being more authentic and vulnerable; learning to sit in discomfort instead of fighting it or denying it. By most accounts I really had made great strides. Loved being so at peace in my own skin. Loved breathing through really hard things. Loved pushing myself to grow. Go me!
It is really amazing how quickly one can regress–like lose 10 years in a moment. At this moment I am not a lake, I am not mindful, I am not OK. I am in fact, Batshit Crazy. I am an embarrassment. I am not fit for public consumption. All it takes is one familiar trigger and all the lessons learned and hard-fought battles earned–gone, out the window. Hello, Crazy Girl, welcome back. Haven’t seen you in these parts in a while…
Some might say regressing is a part of the growth process, that you need to go back a few steps to gain traction and move forward again. Some might say this is temporary, and/or necessary. Quite frankly, I don’t give a shit. I just know this sucks. A friend’s husband tells her she is a Great Lake—so cute! She’s encouraging me to remember I too am a lake. Right now though, if I’m a lake, I’m a Superfund lake. Toxic, hazardous to myself, messy, and in desperate need of a cleanup. Funds, we need funds for this. Please send your monetary contributions so that I may purchase more wine. I’ve heard alcohol kills germs.